Weekly Voice Insight #117 — Je suis innocent(e)!
During my recent rehearsals for Puccini’s Madama Butterfly in Biarritz, France, I encountered a situation that reminded me how much of our communication depends on what happens between receiving information and deciding how to respond.
In this particular production, the musical numbers were sung in Italian, while the dialogue was spoken in French. In my role as Sharpless, I had several spoken exchanges with the other characters, and at one point I found myself being repeatedly corrected on the pronunciation of a French word.
The word was innocente.
The curious thing was that I knew how to pronounce it. I speak French fairly fluently, and although I certainly don't claim to speak it without an accent, I was confident about this particular word. Yet the correction continued.
I knew I needed to respond, but I wasn't immediately sure how to do it. I didn't want the exchange to become confrontational, particularly in a rehearsal environment where everyone was working toward the same outcome.
Preparing an opera involves a tremendous amount of coordination. Singers, directors, conductors, and technical staff are working through their own responsibilities, often under considerable time pressure. Sometimes we find ourselves concentrating on the one thing we feel we can address, especially when other circumstances are less easily managed.
Eventually, I decided to make a recording. Actually, I made several recordings, carefully demonstrating the difference between what I knew I was pronouncing and what others believed they were hearing. I sent the recording to the director, who confirmed that my pronunciation was correct and, with a bit of humor, I suggested that we would never have to discuss it again. The issue was settled, and we continued with our rehearsals.
The incident even became a small joke during a subsequent rehearsal. The soprano missed the line that would normally prompt my response, so I never got to say the word. The director later remarked that I hadn't even had the opportunity to deliver my now rather famous line.
During our final performance, I noticed something else. As I spoke that line of dialogue, I could see the soprano silently moving her lips along with my words.
I could have interpreted that in several ways. Perhaps she was still monitoring my pronunciation. But I also had the impression that she was listening closely, that she cared very much about what I was saying. I don't think she was even aware that she was moving her lips. Perhaps the words had become a kind of touchstone for her.
We often observe something another person says or does and immediately begin assigning meaning to it. Sometimes our interpretation is accurate. Sometimes we're responding to an assumption about someone else's intentions. This also transfers to professional communications, particularly when we're giving or receiving feedback.
Someone questions our work, corrects something we've said, or offers an observation that we weren't expecting. We may hear criticism even when the person intended to be helpful. Or perhaps the feedback really is poorly delivered. Either way, we have a decision to make about what to do with it.
The speed of our communication today adds another consideration.
WhatsApp, Slack, Microsoft Teams, and similar messaging services allow us to communicate with colleagues almost as quickly as we speak. We receive a message, have an emotional reaction, type a response, and press send. All of that can happen in a matter of seconds.
An email may give us more time to compose our thoughts, but it can be just as easy to respond immediately, particularly when we believe someone has misunderstood us.
I've mentioned a practice in previous reflections that uses the acronym STOIC:
S — Stop
T — Take three breaths
O — Observe
I — Interpret
C — Choose
I find this particularly useful when I'm aware that something has produced an immediate emotional response.
Stopping gives me an opportunity to notice that reaction before I do anything with it. Taking three breaths gives me a little time. Then I can consider what actually happened.
What did the person say? What information do I have? What am I assuming about their intentions?
The interpretation is important because it's often the part we overlook. We may think we know exactly why someone said something, particularly if we've had previous disagreements or difficult exchanges with that person.
Do we really know?
Epictetus frequently examines the relationship between events and the judgments we make about them. His observations are particularly relevant when we find ourselves reacting to another person's words or behavior.I think about how easily the same situation could arise in a meeting, during a project update, or through a message from a colleague. We may be certain about our own position, yet still have choices about how we communicate it.
The opportunity to stop, observe, interpret, and choose is available in both spoken and written communication. I've found that practicing this process has helped me become more confident in how I choose to respond.
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